I just wanna end this pain... anyone?

My whole body aching... I don't know why... in every veins... it's hurt so bad... should I be telling my parent about this? I shouldn't right? I don't want them to worry about me anymore.. enough for the pain I caused them when I was little. They tried so hard to saved my life... their dearest daughter... If I feel the pain... I acted like nothing happened... because I know I'm strong enough to bear the pain.. I'm not a little girl anymore... I must help my mom doing the house chores and stuff... She need my help... She only got me... The one whom she can lean on... I shouldn't give up right? She let me singing & listening & watching kpop each time I'm done with the house chores. What more I can ask for? I think it more than enough for me cuz I love music so much... I like singing and composing new song.. I think it's my passion anyway~ 
but... but... lately I woke up late every morning.... makes my mom mad at me.. she blame kpop again... *sigh* I wish I can tell her everything... that my whole body aching... I know there's something wrong happen with my body system but I'm just too scared to face it... 
Today my dad scolded me because he says I'm not helping my mom much... Don't he know I tried hard to please them? it's really hurts me inside... I listen to them more than my other siblings... yet.. he scolded me...
It's really hurts me... I don't know what else I should do... 
All my plan.. vanished in just one day... it's hurts again... I tried to forget those problem... I tried hard not to break down and cry in front of kak linda & kak amal... I don't want them to worry & think I'm such pathetic person. I wanted to be a strong girl and face it like a mature woman.. 
In my life there's so many BUT and NO... Even I feel sorry for myself ... I can't enjoy myself... pampered myself... All I got is house chores and tears ... I wonder when it will stop? will it stop once I stop breathing?
I don't know ... I don't know what to do... I can't tweet all these problems... some might think I'm such attention seeker... well.. I'm not... All I need is ... a wall... a wall to write everything... to make it gone from my mind & heart...
Recently I knew that Super Junior will come to Msia this december... I wanted to go... not for a concert... but I wanna see Lee Donghae as person... I wanna see his face closer.. but... there's no way I can go... in my life there's always BUT & NO right? This time my mom will use BOTH... I can go but who's going to take me there? to the place? If I go with my friends... Of cuz it's going to have car .. but I'm going to going home late at night.. so It's always be a NO. 

Life ... is pretty confusing now ..

now ...
I'm writing my life story...
U can either read it or leave it ...
cuz I'm going to talk bout Donghae again ...
Haha .. 
well .. let's just say "I'm addicted to him"
sorry sorry sorry .. but seriously ...
I wanna talk bout him now ...
Yesterday .. I'm being so moody ..
I skipped my work .. 
I don't know what happen to me ...
but suddenly my mood gone ...
just like that .. 
maybe because of Donghae and Sammie ..
I'm felt like ... useless person...
Don't ask me why I feel like that ...
Please don't ...
I did delete my twitter ..
*not for a long time*
I tried not to think bout anything...
cuz I'm tired ... of crying ...
I'm tired .. of being like this ...
so before breaking fast, I did delete my twitter ...
but when I ate, suddenly .. I felt something's wrong ..
After that, I reactive the account back ...
maybe it's not the time ...
not the right time yet...
bout sammie ..
maybe it's time for me to face d reality...
he's gone.. 
he's safe up there ...
he's happy somewhere..


so back to Donghae again ~
Haha !! I told U didn't I?!
*sigh*
okay .. don't read my post if it's annoys you ..
seriously ...
He did tweet !!! lalala ~ I'm so happy ~~
but not his latest ...
it's just some random pictures he took from d internet ..
but but .. I'm happy ..
at last he did tweet in a good mood!! ^o^
wanna see it?.. 
want want want?..
here !!!

Good night !!! See U in Dream !! ^^

He's so cute right?.. right?.. right??!!
ah ~ I did dream of him ~
siwon ~ heechul too ~
haha ~ 
cuz last nite, I mentioned these three names ..
CAPTION..
"LOVE TRIANGLE!"
Haha .. I found new one too..
It's Nana Kim..
She's seem nice ..
My huny so nice to me ~
She's okay with me having Nana ~
Haha ..
We only doing it for fun ~


Tiqah called me last nite ...
but couldn't talk as usual ..
I can't run to my bedroom cuz last nite ..
there's only my mom and me ...
so I answered her call in front of my mom ..
NERVOUS!!
I did tell u guys ...
my actions in front of my family way different ...
from U knew me from the internet ..
Couldn't talk & laugh like I used too ...
feel bad cuz she call me in d 1st place ...
hurm ... will do something for her dis evening .. ^-^


Hyosonn already arrived at her house safely ..
She tag my name to tell me .. 
Gud dongsaeng ~
We had a little talk ...
as usual ..
I'm borrowed her ears and shoulder ..
*sigh* 
seems like I'm not their unnie at all ...
cry over little things ...
not being strong enough ...
always weak whenever I was alone ...
ah ~ I must stay strong !!!
Aini !! go go go !!


Nia in the making of writing fan fic ..
already read the part one - Fairy tales -
I wish my life were like a fairy tale ..
Haha .. by the way ...
it's a good story ...
will keep looking forward to read it in d future .. ^-^v


what am I doing now?..
I don't so anything ...
listen to song in my MP3 ...
bored alone ..
Kak Linda already on leave ..for Hari Raya ~
Kak Amal busy .. dun want to disturb her ...
will write again soon ~
SELAMAT HARI RAYA !!!! ^o^

Donghae injuries ...... on Let's Go Dream Team ...

today .. I wanna post bout him again ...
I'm sorry if I did annoy anyone ...
but I really care about him ...
now ... here I am ..
can't sleep .. two days straight ..
on d first day .. maybe Sunday ..
I did tweet "Happy Sunday" to him ...
as usual I told him  to b happy & have a wonderful days ..
like always ...
but my heart does that thing again ...
afraid anything bad happens..
I did mentioned him again ...
here's my tweet ..

aini_aiden AiNi 

@donghae861015 good luck on Dream Team & plz dun get hurt like U used too ... my heart will b in pain if U r hurt ~ TwT so take care!!

so there it was .. 

I did told him right?...

so I went out with my mom ..

done some window shopping ...

after breaking fast ..

I tweeted again ..

before I knows d truth ..

1st tweet::

aini_aiden AiNi 

@donghae861015 did U had a gud time?... hopefully yeah ... >w<

2nd tweet::

aini_aiden AiNi 

what's this??... scroll down and find out d truth .. 

did I told U to take care right?.. @donghae861015 are U okay?.. 

GET WELL SOON!

His injury seems bad .. I couldn't look at d photos ...

I'm afraid I might b crying harder than I should be...

till now .. I didn't look ...

but I know it's bad ...

He had to cancelled two schedules because of this...

this is bad ...

Yesterday .. I cried alone.. in my bedroom...

I can't stop the tears ...

I cried because I lost my fav cat again ..

it's sammie ...

I can't find him at anywhere ..

I gave up ...

Sammie ah ..

thanks cuz loving me .. as your owner ...

thanks cuz always sleep beside me...

thanks for your sexy pose ...

i won't forgets those ..

can't erase our memories ...

my mom told me to change the blanket ...

but I told her ..

"bagi aini masa.. sammie pnah tido kat sini ngan aini"..

sammie ah ..

I'm sorry ya..

I'm really sorry cuz didn't look for you during heavy rain...

You know I'm scared of thunder right?..

when I know you went missing ...

I always pray that you will find our house..

our home...

why you can't find our home?..

it's always be a house full of cats..

where are you at?..

sammie ah ...

i'm sorry ...

i'm really really sorry ..

please forgive me ...

now ...

Donghae's hurt ...

but I can't do anything ...

like always ..

I always cry ...

cry that can't do anything ...

it's hurt ...

I wanted to feel the same pain ...

but..

i'm not brave enough to cut my hands ...

to see d blood coming out ...

to feel pain ...

i'm not that strong ...

now.. Donghae ah...

You'll be my SUPERMAN..

I'll always believe that ...

There will be a MIRACLE so you can get well soon...

please .. 

Donghae ah ..

Don't and never feel sorry ..

we just wants you to get better fast...

We need to smile that smile again..

We need to dance with you .. happily ...

We need to sing along with you...

We need you to stand proudly with your brothers...

I'm sorry cuz being selfish here ...

but Donghae ah ..

Do you know..

that someone will wipe her tears alone...

each time she thinks that you are alone?..

Do you know ..

that someone will cry cuz she helpless ..

even she wanted to be with you..

to help you ...

but she just a normal girl ...

Do you know ..

that someone were waiting for you to get well.. 

just to see that smile on your face...

So don't be sorry ...

Never be sorry ...

I just need you to be healthy again...

Even I laughed hard ...

Do you know that ..

it's just to hide my tears & swollen eyes?..

I'll always pray for you ...

love always ...

take care ...

I'm sorry..

Fasting month is here ~

Super Junior made their come back 
in fasting month ... huhu ...
at first I was like ...
I'm not going to cheer for them ...
as I knows how my mom will nags ..
At 29 July she already told me this ..
"aini .. bln pose nih kurang3 an lah kpop ko tuh"..
I'm just stay quiet .. cuz I'm a little bit sad ...
so ...
starting 1 August ...
I figured out a way how to make...
she let me with my kpop ...
easy ...
Help her with the house chores ..
That'll do .. Yes.. It's work ~
Everyday I woke up before her ...
Everyday after work, I'll go to kitchen before she does ...
It's a bit tiring work .. 
but I set my mind ..
my goal is not to make my mom blames on kpop again ...
Super Junior make their comeback at Music Bank 
last Friday at KBS World ..
I was worried cuz they all watching "Bones"..
but at 6.00PM .. my big bro suddenly change the channel to 391 ...
YAY !!!! ^o^
It's was Infinite time .. so I was like ..
Oh !! masak nasi !!..
"abg ~ kalo super junior panggil aini tau!"..
run to the kitchen ..
"mak.. nak masak berapa?.."
*wash wash wash*
"aini!!.. super junior!!!"..
Oh Oh Oh !!!! .. *run to living room* *sit*
SUPERMAN start!!!..


http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Du616beCdBrQ%26feature%3Dshare&h=TAQBOAXYgAQCrZPiuzvS3XV9ZVDoWQayA0hHiAzHQxp3NFg

My eyes didn't BLINK for once !!!
my bro asked ..
"mane yg ko suke?''.
I kept quiet .. but when Donghae's turn .. 
I did smile ...
he said .. 
"yang nih ker?"..
*QUIET* 
when Mr Simple ...
"AINI SUKE YANG NIH!!!.."
*points at DONGHAE*
Haha ~ 
My big bro ignored me and went to read newspaper..
ceh ... die tanye den die ignore .. pe larh ...
hehe ~ 
but the thing I like about my bro is ..
He always know even I didn't told him anything ..
^______^
He's my guardian angel at my home ...
Always watch out for me ...
Always stand up for me ...
now ...
my parents can't say anything bout kpop ...
cuz he's on leave for one week ...
this fasting month is much better than last year ~
Hopefully it did gets better every time ... 


Happy fasting all ~

You

You told me to take my time ...
but why now U ignoring me?..
I dun know what else I should do ...
I dun know what U been thinking ...
The reasons are that I wanna stop
being a fan girl ..
cuz my parents were always against this ...
cuz someone told me that..
"I'm the annoying girl"..
cuz I need to stop loving Lee Donghae...
This is the real world ..
If I didn't stop now ...
I'll fall deeper for Donghae ...
I don't want that to happen ...
I'll be hurt if seeing him with other girl ..
I know I'm not that strong ...
In this reality ..
We got to face it ...
Someday .. somehow ..
We need to stop ..
this is my time...
Please don't hate me for this ..
Please...
Ah ~ now I'm stuck ~
I dun noe what should I go with ..
Stay or leave .??
There's hundreds of times..
That I said it thousand of times ..
but along the times..
There's always someone will hold my back ..
There's always someone told be to believe ...
Thanks ELF ..
You guys are the GREATEST FAN CLUB ..
That I ever known ...

Aini and him ...

What ever ..
I will keep my faith in him ...
what ever ..
I will believe in him ...
Yes..
No other than him ...
Him .. He ...
my smiling angel ..
always outta my control ...
always shock me with nice smile ...
always try to be there for me ...
Now..
this is ...
our happy times ...
I'll smile even I hurt ...
I'll laugh even I'm about to cry...
cuz I know ..
You hurt more than me does ...
You hide your tears behind your smile ...
I'll stay ...
Forever ...
Till death do us apart ...

AiNi ... Life ..

my life now ..
kinda hard to say...
I dun know but ... 
it's totally hard to say...
I know they all busy with their life..
can't be so selfish ...
can't think about myself now..
I should b mature enough to live alone ..
Yeah.. that's right ...


last these three days ...
is when my latest "fight" with my mom ...
Yes.. again ... =__=
She taking care of Azim now .. *d baby*
I know she loves d baby .. it's just ..
she didn't say it to my face directly.
she keep giving excuses ...
I know she's tired ...
but.. 
I'm tired too ...
I'm a working person now ..
She should at least understand that ..
the baby's family seems doesn't care at all ...
I hate when ..
we fight about this ...
cuz I know.. that ..
the family is laughing behind us ...
the night when I cried till my eyes swollen ...
it's become so red ..
my little bro said that I should know my past...
my past where my aunt..
taking care of me when I was little ..
Hey boy.. 
I understand that ...
I still remembers that ...
but ... 
my mom should understand me better!
Please!! I'm begging you...
they not worth it.. like seriously ..
U can say that I'm cruel ..
U can say that I'm mean ...
but I'm only protecting my mom!!!...
I don't want her to fall sick again!!!
I don't want her to get tired!!!
It's okay if I had to do the house chores alone...
it doesn't bother me that much ...
but please!!!...
stop take care of the baby...
like seriously ..
I don't like how they treating us!!!!...
when everyone were against me ...
when I thought nobody is beside me ...
my big brother called me ...
told me to be strong ...
He say this to me ..
"Kalo aini marah.. lpas jer kat apis .. jng lpas kat mak"..
I told him ...
"aini tak marah mak but anak makcu tuh jht!"..
"aini tau aini jht"..
then he ask me to pass d phone to my mom ..
He fought with my mom ...
well .. I'm grateful cuz I got big bro like this ..
cuz only he knew how I feels inside ...
even I didn't tell him anything ..
but still ...
about this baby matter ..
I never told anyone ..at facebook ...
at twitter .. Yes... but not so often ...
but still he knows ...
He is the best brother in the world !!!.
I love him ~~


that's all.. 
well.. i'm tired to type ...
huhuhu .. till then ..
take care & be happy ~
I LOVE YOU.

AiNi can't erase her hatred.. what to do?.. Go watch funny romantic drama series

Okay .. this post not mainly about kak ain ..
damn .. that girl .. were really something...
today .. 
she's being mean again...
she dun want to talk to me..
she asked me to do tons of work ...
she didn't help me..
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER??!!!
like a bitch .. she always being like that..
now.. like Yus..
I'm super super hating her ..
I don't care if I'm being bad girl again ...
cuz I know..
if I'm still friends with her..
she'll hurt me more..
so better I'll be d bad one once again ...
-FINISHED-


Lately ..
I been watching "Lie to Me"..
I love the plot & how the story goes ...
It makes me believe in MIRACLE..
It makes me believe in LOVE...
It makes me believe in LEE DONGHAE.. *Haha*
Hyeon Gi Jun is a guy who being hurt by his younger brother..
Gong Ah Jeong is a girl who being hurt by her best friend..
It's was their DESTINY to meet each other...
I love the sound track too!
The OST I ove the most is when..
They sang together in "home warming"..
Its was called .."Lovin' Ice Cream"..
The time when Hyeon Gi Jun fall for her...
The time when Gong Ah Jeong fall for him ...
They fall in love at the same time.. at the same place ..
awwwhh.. SWEET!!! *kot!!!~*
It reminds me a bit of Donghae oppa did to me.. 
*hehe.. day dream time* lalala ~
Hyeon Gi Jun always tried his best to make her happy...
Gong Ah Jeong always tried to hide her feelings...
There's so many romantic scene..!!!
There's LOT of kissing scene too!!!..
I love when Hyeon Gi Jun always make Ah Jeong happy ...
He stay beside her...
He stay cheerful even his world is about to crash down...
cuz he knew.. Ah Jeong suffered a lot (?)...
My heart beats fast when Ah Jeong falls..
I love when Ah Jeong were sad .. 
Hyeon Gi Jun always find ways to cheer her up ...
I know it's only a drama ...
but ....
sometime I wish...
I will get a boyfriend/husband like him..
Huhuhu .. 
It's nearly IMPOSSIBLE right?..
but the chances are still there~
Haha ~~

So romantic.. the scene ... together.. 

At this time.. I was scream & roll on d floor at the same time....

That's all ..
as usual ..
nothing important ~
hehe ~