AiNi.. is truly tired. TOT

After a week can't sleep well..
keep having nightmares..
keep waking in the middle of the night...
Yesterday ..
I ate sleep pills..then went to sleep super early !
Wow ! it actually works ~ lala ~~
I slept at 7.50PM till 4.ooAM ~ without waking up ~
so now. wake up super early too ~ i'm not sleepy anymore ~

Yesterday. I'm worried bout Donghae and Rayne.
Sunie said after the night 1st SS3 in Japan, Donghae was rushed to the hospital.
I was like... what actually wrong with him? Is he okay? he keep falling sick after the Thai accident !
He keep telling others to be and stay healthy ! but now. he keep falling sick?!
wish I got his number and ask him myself !
When watching "More than Words" where only got Donghae, Leeteuk and Sungmin.
When the camera focus only at him.
I cried.
My tears just flow.
My heart prays for him.
My eyes can't stop looking at his teary eyes.
I can't hold it back.
It really break my heart.
When nobody answer my question.
When my dad scold me.
I ran to my sister room and crying alone there.
I put some loud music on and just cry.
I know they didn't know I'm crying for them.
But if it did make me feel better
Better I cry alone.
After done my work.
Log in to my account.
Just express my feelings there.
Few of my friends trying to cheer me up.
I really really thankful I got them beside me.
Suddenly ..
Donghae tweet his photo at Twitter !
with his bestie -Eunhyuk !
When I saw that. In one minute I know.
That he really enjoy being with ELF Japan.
That he really had wonderful time with others.
Somehow I'm smiling.

Yesterday. Rayne didn't online much.
I guess he still mad at me.
Ah ~ wish. this love brings happiness to him..
I'm really worried bout him too.
He kept quiet after that incident.
I should trust him !
I shouldn't ask him that ..
I'm being stupid girl . again.
Now. he being away from me.
I'm did feel bad about that .
Rayne.
I asked you to stay right?
but. if it hurting you.
then. you can go.
I'm not a perfect.
I'm try to be the happiest person.
but I just can't.
I'm just a girl who confused with her own feelings.
Keep making other people hating and angry at me.
Keep making... you hate me.
I'm always be the bad one.
Yes. I admit that.

By the way, I'm happy to see Ryene unnie finally at her home ~
I hope she always stay happy and be fine at all time ~
I hope she can forgive me too ...