Nov 7, 2011

I just wanna end this pain... anyone?

My whole body aching... I don't know why... in every veins... it's hurt so bad... should I be telling my parent about this? I shouldn't right? I don't want them to worry about me anymore.. enough for the pain I caused them when I was little. They tried so hard to saved my life... their dearest daughter... If I feel the pain... I acted like nothing happened... because I know I'm strong enough to bear the pain.. I'm not a little girl anymore... I must help my mom doing the house chores and stuff... She need my help... She only got me... The one whom she can lean on... I shouldn't give up right? She let me singing & listening & watching kpop each time I'm done with the house chores. What more I can ask for? I think it more than enough for me cuz I love music so much... I like singing and composing new song.. I think it's my passion anyway~ 
but... but... lately I woke up late every morning.... makes my mom mad at me.. she blame kpop again... *sigh* I wish I can tell her everything... that my whole body aching... I know there's something wrong happen with my body system but I'm just too scared to face it... 
Today my dad scolded me because he says I'm not helping my mom much... Don't he know I tried hard to please them? it's really hurts me inside... I listen to them more than my other siblings... yet.. he scolded me...
It's really hurts me... I don't know what else I should do... 
All my plan.. vanished in just one day... it's hurts again... I tried to forget those problem... I tried hard not to break down and cry in front of kak linda & kak amal... I don't want them to worry & think I'm such pathetic person. I wanted to be a strong girl and face it like a mature woman.. 
In my life there's so many BUT and NO... Even I feel sorry for myself ... I can't enjoy myself... pampered myself... All I got is house chores and tears ... I wonder when it will stop? will it stop once I stop breathing?
I don't know ... I don't know what to do... I can't tweet all these problems... some might think I'm such attention seeker... well.. I'm not... All I need is ... a wall... a wall to write everything... to make it gone from my mind & heart...
Recently I knew that Super Junior will come to Msia this december... I wanted to go... not for a concert... but I wanna see Lee Donghae as person... I wanna see his face closer.. but... there's no way I can go... in my life there's always BUT & NO right? This time my mom will use BOTH... I can go but who's going to take me there? to the place? If I go with my friends... Of cuz it's going to have car .. but I'm going to going home late at night.. so It's always be a NO. 


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