Feb 9, 2011

AiNi.. is angry at the stupid..friends..

AiNi.. is angry at the stupid friends. not my friends.. but her friends.. 
Last nite news.. kinda shocking news to me. first. a mom throw her own baby. well. that must mental laa.. so.. I dun blame anyone. but the mother herself. *kalo Melayu ckp.. "gila meroyan"* due to life stress.. I feel sad. to her hubby. lost two important person in his life. But its ady fated. nobody can stop it. Its in Allah hands. The hubby must stay strong and juz moved on. I know its hard. I'm not juz saying this. but. he at least shud live his life. back.. for his loved ones. for his parent. for his family. Life wasn't over yet. juz yet. Think it in positive way. there's must a reason behind all this.. My deepest sorry.. 

the other story happened in one school at Melaka. bout one girl. bout.. somebody only daughter.  She only 17 years old. dis year. Having such heart breaks is normal.. *i guess*. well... at least she seeing someone ! she shud be proud off.. unlike me. 21 years old.. living around.. my family.. and friends. no special ones. nobody to hug.  for every confession.. i made.. for every single crush.. is turned down. by them. the reason?? 

a) not being pretty enough
b) not being skinny enough
c) not being fashionable enough
d) not being cute enough
e) not being so..sial.. enough

well.. I cried.. who said.. I didn't? but.. only for ONE night ! think back again. If i dun deserve them to be my BF. den. they 100 times dun deserve me as their GF ! 
I believe that.. I'm unique .. I believe that.. they are not for me.. I for someone else. 
All I have to do is wait. wait for the right guy to show up. Wait for the right time to really fall in love with somebody.. wait.. for being mature enough to handle a relationship. Juz wait and see.. but..  there are also times... 
there are times.. I cried... alone... blaming myself.. for being like they wanted me to be.. there are times.. that.. i wanted to juz end my life.. there are times.. I wanted to end all these tears and pain.  Once..I posted the suicide note on my facebook. den. there is someone who actually care for me. I will never never forget her. Her name is Safiyah. Safi 4 short. She not a Malaysian citizen. knows her cuz she is Afiqah Abdul Aziz friends. Rika san for short. We all love kpop so much. Safi into FT Island. Rika san into Big Bang (GD) & me into BIG BANG too (TOP)... den. there is one time.. we all love MBLAQ ! Rika san likes Lee Joon ~ Safi likes Mir and me.. like the group and song ~ *actually I love all of them~ but cant pick one* so our friendship started there. back to Safi. wen she read bout my post.. She start to.. to.. make me think bout the reason for i live.. bout my parents. bout everything.. thanks to her. I'm alive now.  
So now.. every time I feel down. I listen to my fav music / song.. or juz laugh at the comedy drama or movie. 

as for that chinese girl. She do the same thing like I did. Post the same thing. but. what she get are dares and taunts. not.. a helping hand. I wish I was one of her friends. I wish I can stop her stupid decision. Killing herself over stupid dares and heart break is not the smartest decision of a brilliant & smart girl.. She oni 17 years old ! there so much in her life ! She cud be good doctor.. a good lawyer.. a good wife.. but its too late.. She gone now.. gone forever. Her parent must be in great shock .. as their only daughter now gone.. forever. all thanks to her stupid friends for the fucking dares and taunts. all thanks to them ! Her friends shud be aware of this ! Suicide is not a JOKE ! its a life matter ! we're talking bout someone else life ! 
that someone else life could be your friends, your cousin or even your sister ! so take notice ! wonder how & what that girl facing everyday.. till she can take her own life.. poor her..  
This shudn't be happening at anyone family. Parent expect us to be happy everyday. They raised us.. till we can walk.. eat and think by ourselves. Commit a suicide is not the way how we going to repay all their hard work.. 
my mom always said.. b4 u act or say something stupid. do think first.. cant that girl.. think bout her mom? who struggle so hard juz to see her baby happy?? and this how she repay back to her mom? by.. commit a suicide over a heart break & stupid dares?! 
PLEASE think bout our loved ones not someone who doesn't even love us.. ...... 
*my tears flow as I wrote this* 


the end....

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